This Week’s Wacky Wednesday: Florida Man Moves to Marry His Porn-Filled Laptop
A Florida judge has called one man’s lawsuit an “attempt to punk the legal system because he doesn’t agree with gay marriage.” His method, however, is truly bizarre. It seems Chris Sevier has tried to intervene in a pending gay marriage case by claiming he is filing his case on behalf of “other minority sexual orientation groups.”
His 20+ page filing argues that if gay couples have “the right to marry their object of sexual desire, even if they lack corresponding sexual parts, then I should have the right to marry my preferred sexual object.”
And what might his preferred sexual object be? The filing details that, too, saying it is a “porn filled Apple computer.”
It seems that Mr. Sevier purchased the computer, which was sold without any porn-blocking filters. He says he “was not provided with any warning by Apple that pornography was highly addictive and could alter my reward cycle by the manufacturer. Over time, I began preferring sex with my computer over sex with real women. Naturally, I ‘fell in love’ with my computer and preferred h
aving sex with it over all other persons or things, as a result of classic conditioning upon orgasm.”
How does this intervene in a gay marriage case? Sevier’s case is meant to sound as if it might support gay marriage when it is really calling on the state to make “traditional” marriage the only recognized form of marriage. According to an article in the Broward Palm Beach News Times, the case of James Domer Brenner et al., v. Rick Scott challenged Florida’s refusal to recognize gay marriages performed legally outside of the state.
And that is when Mr. Sevier’s lawsuit entered the scene. Yet, it is not the first time that he has filed a bizarre lawsuit relating to gay marriage. He has also:
- Sued Apple saying it sold him a computer without also warning consumers of the hazards and evils of porn
- He sued A&E Television for firing Phil Robertson (of Duck Dynasty) after he was caught making strong anti-gay statements
- He filed a 50+ page motion in the state of Utah in order to intervene in a pending gay marriage case
In the current case, he argues his filing is due to former President Barack Obama’s attitudes about gay marriage. Saying that “sexual orientation never existed as a classification until President Obama came along to advance his social agenda to make America a ‘gay nation.’” Sevier indicates that it is his belief the court system should “put up or shut up” when claiming that equal protections exist.
Thus, his desire to marry the laptop.
Did he get a day in court? No. The judge in the case decided to toss out Mr. Sevier’s claim, saying “Perhaps the motion is satirical. Or perhaps it is only removed from reality. Either way, the motion has no place in this lawsuit.”
Mr. Sevier’s background probably does not help his cases as he was banned from practicing law in the state of Tennessee in 2011 due to mental infirmity or illness.
Whether or not Mr. Sevier is being satirical or truly believes he should be able to legally wed his computer is not the point. He is someone with a background in the law and understands that his argument would have influence on the final outcome of other cases.
If weird lawsuits are an interesting subject, what we should look even more closely at is the fact that some of the strangest can actually impact laws into the future. The subject of gay marriage is not as much of a hot topic as it once was, but it’s not the last time we’ll hear about it in the weird law news…Not with Chris Sevier around, anyways.